Tenacity as defined by Google; noun: the quality or fact of being able to grip something firmly; grip. The quality or fact of being very determined is determination. The quality or fact of continuing to exist: persistence.
Staying with my friend’s parents reignited many memories from my childhood because I could openly share adverse events in a safe environment. I often thought about the positive ways certain things shaped my childhood and garnered a new understanding of what tenacity and resiliency are and how they’ve shaped me.
The journey to learn to read is one example of my ability to adapt and change when given resources and tools. Since mentioning this story in my International Women’s Day Post the first year of launching this blog, I’ve wanted to share it. While I’m likely years away from creating a guide to change, I haven’t let it stop me from wanting to develop and share tools anyone can use. I’m a resource-oriented person, but it’s not a skill I acquired from a healthy upbringing. My tenacity toward progress is rooted in the many positive lessons from people who extended beyond my parents (Nisijej) and with whom I had stable emotional bonds. Teaching me to teach myself was one of the many lessons I learned from my grandmother (Ni-kahk). I’ll be sharing that story in my next blog post.
Around this time in 2022, I was in a much darker place, vacillating between the dark truths I’d been forced to confront surrounding inappropriate co-dependent behavior with various friends and relatives in addition to the chronic pain causing me to spiral into multiple degrees of anger, rage, and ultimately depression with suicidal ideation. At that time, my tibia was not healing due to a sensitivity to the metal holding it together, and there was a “continuation of fractures.” After a year and a half of enduring inexplainable pain, I was miserable every time I took a step or had to drive. The doctors only semi-validated my experience, saying, “Yeah, that might cause pain” The medical gaslighting was its own issue, compounding everything else during that time.
This commitment to overcoming obstacles has been a consistent theme in my life, tied to how my paternal grandmother (Ni-kahk) taught me how to teach myself. That is the story of how I learned to read. Unlike previous years though, I’m not in a dark place, even when I’ve found myself in dark moments or despair. I’ve found comfort in the passage from The Old Man and the Sea, where the character says, “Now is no time to think of what you do not have. Think of what you can do with that there is.”
Since childhood, I’ve spent much time working on self-development, taking pride in my ability to change and adapt as my environments and circumstances change. A skill I’ve refined over the years until I’d face some of the hardest and darkest times of my life in the last three years. I’ve found humility and faith in these lessons as an adult, guided by the much wiser child who lives in me. Steering me with a gentle hand into the person I’ve always been. While I might not be able to teach any particular method for change, I hope my stories can inspire the same tenacity that living them instilled in me. I can’t wait to share more about my paternal grandmother (Ni-kahk) and many others who inspired me. I look forward to continuing my healing journey with a sense of purpose and vigor for what life has in store for me in my next chapter.
A special note for readers
As you journey through the content I’ve made available, you’ll find additional resources on my Buy Me a Coffee page, where I will post thoughtfully designed worksheets to kick off your healing process. My first worksheet is available as a “Pay What You Want” for it. While there’s a suggested donation of $5, please know that every bit of support, whether more or less, is genuinely appreciated. Times are challenging for me right now, and your contribution supports me and ensures I can continue to provide valuable tools and insights for everyone. Together, we can navigate, grow, and heal through our trauma. Thank you for being a cherished part of this community.
Reviewed and edited for readability using AI technology; all words and stories are mine.
finding himdag 