Now that I’m finally out of my own head and ready to blog the way blogging is supposed to be done… I want to conclude The Unhinged Beast as part of my blog. I’ll be holding back details from my childhood until I can collaborate with those I’ve mentioned. It’s hard to foster understanding when … Continue reading The Unhinged Beast – Conclusion
Category: Trauma
Unperfect
I'm literally sitting here, about to cry. Cry because I forgot that yesterday was the 3rd Saturday of the month and that I needed to get my ass to the garden. I've been stuck in my head and feeling so alone and isolated with no one with whom I've felt comfortable enough to share these … Continue reading Unperfect
The Unhinged Beast – Origins III
As I mentioned in part one, these memories happened around the time I started kindergarten or first grade. I was about five or six years old; Hemako (means: one) and I used to play at a park across the street from the house where we (sometimes) lived with Nisi-ohg (means: my real father). This is … Continue reading The Unhinged Beast – Origins III
The Unhinged Beast – Origins II
I want to clarify that I don’t like violence or arguing as a default. I’ve never been a violent person. I don’t like hurting people, even when they’ve been mean or hurt me. However, violence is not out of the question for me either; I had a violent childhood. As a child, I had violence … Continue reading The Unhinged Beast – Origins II
The Unhinged Beast – Origins I
Forward: I'm apparently the type to need a forward ahead of my blog posts, but here we go, I guess. I have finally recognized the "perfection is the enemy of good" messages Co-Star as been telling me... Below is the beginning of another personal essay on the origins of the various characters that make me … Continue reading The Unhinged Beast – Origins I
Healing Pain
I keep reflecting on my experiences with pain since having had these Ketamine infusions and the clarity that comes afterward. It’s like my introspective abilities increase twofold. I’ve likely had an extremely high tolerance to physical pain before I was injured, thanks to physical abuse and trauma in childhood. This was realized after the night … Continue reading Healing Pain
Help me slay dragons
I had to ask my therapist if she thought a donations page was appropriate because I was unsure if I deserved to receive help. I will dive into this more down the road. The LSS is that I have difficulty asking for help due to trauma. I have to be at rock bottom before I … Continue reading Help me slay dragons
Renewal
After finding out from one of my dearest friends, who I’ll call Lahnis here (means sword; spear, IDKHTS), Smoke Signals was on Paramount+. I decided to watch it. It’s been a while, maybe even close to a decade. I had very few moments in that movie where I didn’t cry, mostly from projecting all my … Continue reading Renewal
So what’s a himdag, you ask?
I’ve been doing a ton of writing; I have lots of thoughts running around loose in my head. However, I’m not ready to go into detail, at least not without diving into what brought me to himdag (him-ee-dawk). So I guess explaining what it means is where we’ll start. I first heard the word himdag … Continue reading So what’s a himdag, you ask?
Happy International Women’s Day
Today is International Women's Day, and at work, they had various activities lined up to celebrate. One of the activities was recognition from associates; some mentioned wives, mothers, older sisters, even customers got shoutouts. Any woman that anyone wanted to include and celebrate. Not a single person nominated me. I know I've only been there … Continue reading Happy International Women’s Day
finding himdag 